D Gray-man Interview
by TykiWife
Summary: This is basically me and my good friend morningnight being dumbasses as we interview the characters of D.Gray-Man. (morningnight: cause we are dumbasses and have nothing bett- ...oh she already called us dumbasses...well we have nothing better to do)


_Interview 1_

TykiWife: Hello fans of -Man everywhere, we have a great treat for you today!

morningnight: TykiWife is being meanie! SHE WOULDN'T LET ME HAVE A KID'S MEAL TODAY!

(Fans stare at her weirdly)

TykiWife: *coughs* yes, well, anyway….as I was saying!

morningnight: don't ignore my awesomeness!

TykiWife: morningnight! Stay on topic! We only have a half hour to interview four people!

morningnight: I have a LOT longer than that…hehehe…sorry

TykiWife:….I apologize for this weirdo. Anywho! Please welcome four stars from -Man: Allen, Tyki, Lavi, and Kanda!

(fangirls screams as the four come out and sit down in their chairs)

morningnight:…..what the fluff? Are we on TV or something? Last I check we are all crowded in my room! (unwelcomed I might add)

TykiWife: *glares* firstly, they are the imaginary fans that need to be here, secondly, you don't want these sexy men here?

Allen: Um…awkward much?

Tyki: This is already going to be fun, I can tell.

Lavi: Sexy, I like that.

Kanda: Can I go home now?

morningnight: Yes you can. Imaginary or not, the only ones I let in here was Tyki, Allen and Lavi. No one else, so if you aren't then get out. *turns to TykiWife* whenever you are ready…the door is right there.

TykiWife: *glares more* Do I need to ban you from your vibrating pillow again?

morningnight:…..*curls in a depressing corner*…..*pokes the mushrooms that just appeared*…yes….

Lavi: Oh, you have one of those too?

morningnight and Allen: *looks at him like D:*

Tyki:….too much information. My innocent ears.

Kanda: Pffft. Innocent. That's funny.

morningnight: Yea I mean after what Allen did to him, it's kinda hard to believe you're innocent

TykiWife: morningnight!

morningnight: What? He stripped him in strip poker what are you…..TYKIWIFE!

Tyki: Um…*looks at Allen awkwardly* are you as concerned by this as I am?

morningnight: Shouldn't we be talking or interviewing them or something

Allen: *to Tyki* A little. I fear mostly for the strange person we call morningnight though…

TykiWife: Anywho! Let's start with the first round of questions! *turns to Lavi* So…Lavi…why do you wear an eyepatch? Is your eye like deformed?

morningnight: *whispers to TykiWife before laughing*

TykiWife: *laughs* Haha no we are not saying that, Lavi?

Lavi: Um….*gives wary look* okay….well when I was training to be a bookman when I was younger, I got into an accident and lost my eye.

TykiWife:….I've heard rumors that you still have it and wear the eye patch for fun

Allen: *whispers to TykiWife* Shhhh…the townspeople don't know.

morningnight: Oh so you like her more than me now, is that how it is?

Allen: I don't really know you, so….I don't know….

TykiWife: Next question before morningnight kills someone~! Tyki, why are you so sexy?

Tyki: *grin* I'm the Noah of Pleasure. Does that answer your question?

morningnight: No….no that does not.

TykiWife: Do you, like, have sex with a bunch of women? If so, them bitches are gonna die.

morningnight: *turns head slowly to face TykiWife with a confused and stunned expression*

Tyki: *laughs* no, not really. I choose lovers wisely.

morningnight: *cough cough* TykiWife * cough cough*

Allen: I didn't know you were married Tyki.

Tyki: I'm not

morningnight: *whispers* don't tell TykiWife that. So Kanda, why are you such an asshole?

Kanda: The same reason you're a bitch.

TykiWife: Kanda!

morningnight: *Stands up, dusts off pants before pulling down shirt a little and fixing hair* How do I look?

TykiWife: Good, why?

morningnight: *tackles Kanda*

Tyki: I'm betting fifty that she wipes the floor with Kanda; anyone else willing to bet?

Allen: Kanda has his Mugen though…

Lavi: I'm in. Bet'cha that Kanda wins.

TykiWife: morningnight is gonna fuck his shit up LOL

morningnight: …..*bumps knee against edge of table* ….WAHHHH!

Kanda: *stares at her, confused on what to do*

morningnight: MOMMY!

TykiWife: Can we get back to the interview? Please? The director is glaring at me….

morningnight: *happily* Sure! Just wait a sec! *spins around and trips Kanda, making his head smash into table* Ha! Now, where is my money?

Lavi: *curses* Shit! *hands Tyki fifty*

Tyki: *grinning evilly* Thank you very much my good sir~ *hands morningnight twenty five*

morningnight: *jumps up and down* Yeah! I get mon-ey, I get mon-ey! *hits leg against table*…WAHHHHHH! *drops to floor crying* Daddy it hurts! Kiss it! Make it better! Pwease!

Tyki: *stares with raised eyebrow* When did I become her father?

Lavi: The day you became TykiWife's husband.

Tyki:…..when did that happen?

morningnight: *stands and wipes eyes before moving in front of Tyki, head hanging* D-Daddy…..I want mommy to buy me a new present…..can you make her…?

TykiWife: *covers face with hands* Why did I let this freak in here?

morningnight: 'Cause you love him

TykiWife: Her? Arent you a girl? I was talking about you, dipshit lol

morningnight: *stands there stunned for a moment*…..Tyki, how do I look?

Tyki: You aren't going to tackle her too, are you?

morningnight: …..You didn't answer my question….How. Do. I. Look?

Tyki: I plead the fifth?

morningnight: …..Allen? How do I look?

Allen:…..

Lavi: Beautiful~

morningnight: Thank you…*turns slowly to TykiWife with evil grin.* I will give you five seconds warning…

Kanda: Why didn't I have a warning?

morningnight: 'Cause I don't like you

TykiWife: *jumps and hides behind Tyki's chair* No! Save me!

morningnight: No one can save you now….*jumps at TykiWife*

Lavi: *turns to Allen* Aren't you going to break this up?

Allen:…I'm actually enjoying watching xD

Lavi: *turns to Tyki, glaring* Tyki….

Tyki: *sigh* fine. *pulls the girls apart*

morningnight: *sarcastically* oh look at you being all strong and mighty

Tyki: Sit down and behave. The director is going to kill us all.

TykiWife: We seriously need to finish this interview.

morningnight: yes the quicker this is done, the quicker I can kick your lovely ass. Once this thing ends, no one will save you

TykiWife: Tyki will save me!

Tyki: It depends….*grin* What's in it for me?

morningnight: I can think of 69 different things

TykiWife: MORNINGNIGHT!

morningnight: remember, revenge is ice cream

Kanda: Then I want to give like sixty people ice cream

Allen: I don't understand this…I want ice cream…

Kanda: *evil grin* oh, I can give you some~

morningnight: I will kick your ass again minster if you go near that sexy piece of meat….

Allen: *gapes* Are you talking about me…?

TykiWife: No, she's talking about peter pan!

morningnight: No, I'm talking about the piece of meat next to you. *points at table next to Allen that has a piece of meat on it* Why the hell would I be talking about you?

Tyki and Allen: *stares for a long time* when did that get there….?

Lavi: *mouth full* Tits been hair for a while ow

TykiWife: What about tits?

Tyki: This is getting dirty….I think I like it xD

Allen: My innocent ears! *covers ears*

morningnight: There is nothing innocent about ANYTHING on that body of yours….I see what you do at night when no one is looking

Tyki: Ooo lala

TykiWife:…..We seriously need to get back on track

morningnight: What track? We never had one from the start!

TykiWife: *ignores morningnight and turns to Tyki* okay! Question, when you're in your light form, why do you wear those funky glasses?

Lavi: *whispers to Allen* To hide from her

TykiWife: *slowly turns and glares* Lavi, don't make me slap the pirateness outta ya

morningnight: *turns to fangirls/crowd* We are violent people

Tyki: *coughs* um…anyway…I wear them to hide my Mole….ya know?

Kanda: How much longer is this going to be?

TykiWife: Come on, Kanda, where is your enthusiasm?

Tyki: *leans over and whispers to TykiWife and morningnight* It's still halfway up Allen's ass

Allen: What?

TykiWife: *dies laughing*

Kanda: I FUCKING HEARD THAT YOU GRAY ASSED PIECE OF SHIT!

morningnight: Kanda! NO yelling and right now he is a white assed piece of shit! Remember that!

Tyki: Actually, I'm Puerto Rican

morningnight: *whispers to Lavi* no he Portariquin

TykiWife:…..you are such a fail speller.

morningnight: At least I can make sure my sentences have sense to them, unlike you

TykiWife:…..I blame Tyki

Tyki: What? Why?

morningnight:* Leans over to Allen* he mind fluffed her

Allen: Mind Fluffed her?

morningnight: …yea…I can't curse…..its…it's a bad word

TykiWife: *sarcastically* yeah he just fucked alllll the grammar out of me

Allen: Oh! I get it now, he fucked her mind!

Tyki:…..that's not all I can "Fluff" *grin*

Lavi: Ohhhhhh shit its getting real up in here~!

morningnight: Really!? Can you fluffy my pillow daddy!?

TykiWife: *cries on Tyki's shoulder* I apologize for this weirdo…..

morningnight: Why? You are the one who invited Lavi

TykiWife:….yeah I was talking about Lavi

morningnight: * Stands up, dusts off pants before pulling down shirt a little and fixing hair*How do I look Allen?

Tyki: Please not this shit again! I have plans for later!

TykiWife: Um…*blush*

Lavi: Dirty plans? *waggles eyebrows*

Allen: um….*looks around nervously*

morningnight: *pulls out random plate of mitarashi dango* How do I look now?

Allen: Fucking sexy~

TykiWife: Please. Just Please.

Lavi: This is so not the G rated interview I was promised…

Morningnight: you were promised a G rated interview?

TykiWife: Who have you been talking to?

Kanda: I'm so freaking lost.

morningnight: You were never found

Kanda: That doesn't make any sense

morningnight: It doesn't have to! I'm FUCKING SEXY~!

Tyki:….Well then

TykiWife: Well, the director is giving me that funky cut-off signal, so I think we're out of time

Kanda: Or out of your minds

morningnight: can I kill him….please?...I promise to clean up the mess mommy and daddy, I will I promise!

TykiWife: Can't lose what we never had, including yours and NO morninginght it will be bad for the rating if you kill him *sigh*

morningnight: *in a creepy innocent voice* nobody has to know mommy. There are a bunch of sexy men in D. Gray-man, we can just distract them with those people. No one will notice or care that he is gone

TykiWife: Sorry

Tyki: I still don't get how I'm her father

Lavi: Aren't you TykiWife's husband?

Tyki: Um….am I?

morningnight: choose your words carefully daddy….mommy doesn't like it when you mess up…you know…cause than she has to do that punishment she always does in the bedroom where Imma not allowed to go near….so many screams and moans come from there Daddy. I think it is a bad bad bad place. DON'T GO DADDY!

Tyki:…Is it bad that I'm intrigued?

TykiWife: Not at all

Lavi: Okay, the director is coming over here so let's everyone say goodbye before Tyki and his wife do naughty things on the couch!

morningnight: *gasps* NOT MY COUCH!

Allen: ANYWAY! Bye -Man fans! Sorry this didn't really answer any of your questions!

morningnight: What questions?

Lavi: Exactly. Bye!

Tyki: Bye my little monsters~ Be good

morningnight: Oh, I'll be good for you *wiggles eyebrows*

TykiWife: I won't. And MORNINGNIGHT BACK THE FLUFF OFF!

morningnight: Daddy! Something is wrong with Mommy! She isn't cursin no more!

Lavi: She's saving that for Tyki's punishment.

Tyki: Okay, I'm leaving. *drags TykiWife away*

Kanda: Thank God. *Walks away*

morningnight: *turns to Allen and Lavi* ….why was he thanking you?

* * *

morningnight: I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET TYKIWIFE TO END THIS FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES NOW!

TykiWife: Youre the one who kept it going half the time dipshit!

morningnight: that's cause you made it interesting dumbass!

TykiWife: Gee, next time I'll make it boring to high hell, just for you

morningnight: no cause than we will lose people…they will hate you *mumbles to self* that is if we have any people left after this*

TykiWife: THEN STOP COMPLAINING!

morningnight: NO! *stomps foot and walks away*….*loud crash*….MOMMY I HURT MY TOEY!

TykiWife: *sighs* well, Imma do you all a solid and end this while I go help the weirdo. I love you all! Please Review!


End file.
